LMAO

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-31865479

Tonight I asked a man to smell a jar of weed. He looked wistfully at the jar and then asked his wife to smell it for him. He explained that he lost his sense of smell in a car accident. I cooed sympathy and then told him that I was thankful that was all he lost. He smiles sadly at me and says "but I don't know what my wife's perfume smells like. I don't know what SHE smells like." After I picked my jaw up, I told him she smelled a lot like old feet and buttered popcorn.

Everyone laughed and I thought of CP.

Pick for content. Pretty isn't enough.
Eventually you can't get it up anyways.

Dangling one shoe while seated with one leg crossed over the other knee, is one of the most intense flirting signals woman use to indicate interest in a male. As the foot makes tiny thrusting movements with the dangling shoe it is subconsciously mimicking penetration.

Hey GoChiefs, mind if I couch surf at your place until I get a pad of my own bruh

Wait till you see him in that critter mask....Will make waking up to the BK King seem normal.

I'm moving this weekend. You are welcome to crash at the new place though. CPers are family.

I'm sure there are worse things in life.

You moving out of the KCMO brosef

No, just moving a couple streets down. Still in Waldo area.

I know someone who is moving there.

What's a reasonably priced place in the area where my car won't get stolen and I won't get stabbed?

Well, shit, you could have my current place. 750.

Welp.. that's $100 more than the apartment I'm renting here in the Queen City... I'm taking that it's not going to get better than that elsewhere?

(Though in one hour of searching yesterday I found a decent looking place on the KS side near 435 for cheaper what I'm paying now.

Well, this is a house. I have never really looked at apartments. They may be cheaper.

I dunno about the Kansas side.

... is there something I'm missing here..

or...

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QzBmQMyYDBk?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

whatever bro...just don't bring over any 300 pound chicks, my couch isn't made of adamantium

Damn, $750 to rent a house? It's $850 at the absolute minimum to rent an apartment where I am.

That's bullshit.

You have nothing to fear.

I'm legitly intrigued by this.

Where's my invite clay?

I'll invite you Billay!

You are welcome too, Billay.

I have a feeling we're all going to get drunk together next week.

I'm sure you ment to add..... And go chase some tail.

Nah they're gonna find me a place to live.

Yeah, that would be funny. ROFL

GoChiefs, Billay, and Discuss Thrower walk into a bar....

Sounds like the beginning of a joke. :p

Take that chinless dude and I'm headed up to witness this excursion into the primal wild.

all are welcome to pre-drink and watch star wars at my pad :D

sizable basement for midnight orgies

I'm here for the tranny gang bang/ Jim Jones

So I was drunk and didn't take this girl's business card because I figured it was a rejection.

Came across her again and the only thing that really stuck with her is that I kept extolling the virtues of this tequila creme stuff that's akin to Bailey's... Just with tequila.


And in spite of suck jackassery, supposedly she'd still say yes if I asked her out.



Supposedly.

Go get her brah.

Mutual friend also informed me of this:

[Other guy] is one you'll initially like, but after three more dates you like him less and less.

Discuss is the opposite. YOu won't like him much at first, but the more time you give him the more you like him.


So I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

Sounds like the other guy will win unless you make a move.

C'est la vie then.

I will whip Discuss and Billay into a couple of cock diesel jacked ass missouri studs.

Well when you put it in that perspective. I would have fun going out with these guys. I could encourage them to walk up to different chics all night and let the comedy ensue.

How's your current "luv" interest going? Still going?

Why don't they like you at first?

Something I have learned...I think you are best off taking first dates to a place where it's dimly lit and somewhat noisy...not like a din, but you want a good chatter, and good lighting.

Everyone looks best in low lighting, obviously, so you create the best first impression possible, I think. A slight chatter takes some pressure off...you don't feel as self conscious I think.

This occurred to me because I've pretty much been alternating between two places for first dates...and the second place is very quiet and very brightly lit. I've NEVER had a second date after going to that place. I've taken chicks there AFTER our first meeting and been fine, but something about that place isn't doing me any favors on first dates.

This other place though...for some reason chicks love it. I know now that I will almost always see a girl again after I take her there on a first meeting. Not sure what it is, but it creates a good first impression.

You'd have to ask the guy who said that.

I'm guessing it's because I'm not comfortable around people I don't know at first. Why? Being introverted or some shit. Anymore it's because I'm constantly on guard for saying the normal shit I say because strangers don't get that I'm usually being sarcastic or I just say outlandish shit that offends people.

Not that I try and offend anyone.. But just about any opportunity to put my foot in my mouth that comes my way, it happens. Like when Seinfeld's foot fell asleep and it looked like he was mocking "Leaping Larry?" That's a regular occurrence in my social life.

It would be beyond hilarious. I've literally never approached a stranger at a bar and attempted conversation. Anyone I've ever met out has agreed to meet me there beforehand.

Now you might say "isn't that the same thing, really?" Maybe to you, but not to me. When I see a stranger at a bar all I can think about is reasons I shouldn't talk to them. But if I'm meeting someone from a site, I've already loaded my brain with at least 10 reasons I should definitely talk to them.

That gives me all the confidence I need to pay for the evening and never talk to them ever again.

I hear ya. I'm pretty unfiltered and I like to make myself laugh. So, with all due respect, you probably come off as an immature jackass. Again, with all due respect.

I know I do.

<3 <3 <3.

And being chronically underemployed but not living on ramen doesn't help the immature part.

Like I avoid being with friends and family I haven't seen for a year or more because I hate explaining how my jobs consist of freelancing reporting and PA'ing high school games. It just screams "directionless ****."

Discuss and I would probably do well together, because I'm far too polite and well-mannered.

He will be the Tonto to my Lone Ranger.

I'm having a hard time expressing it, but this is true. Lower lighting is just nice. I imagine brighter lighting feels like an interview.

I would honestly RATHER go to the second place...it's more fun to me. But I can't ignore the trend.

Sounds like you need to fix your shit first my friend. And remember this; the coolest guy in the room is the one who doesn't talk much. I'm on a speak when spoken too regiment at the moment.

You're exactly right.... It's all in your head.

Just think! In your state alone there are over a 1000 women who are wondering why they can't meet a guy like you. She could be one of those girls you're avoiding.

I'm about 10 days away from being with this gal for 6 months.

That's a long time for me.

Psh. Have you even heard of Tinder bruh?

I disagree entirely...out of maybe 20 women at a bar I might go to, probably at least half are religious or have a kid or smoke or have an STD or god knows what else. Shit how many live with their parents, are unemployed or have never even seen Star Wars?

I play the percentages.

You either see the glass half full or half empty. Now we now how you see it.

Change that input and some radical things will happen to you!

Yes, been there done that lol. Along with POF & Okcupid. It's like stealing candy from a baby.

I've got a problem with women like you guys it's just the opposite. To many women to choose from can mess with your head. Long story but just think about it.

Hung out with my old roommate this past weekend. I think I'm better looking than him overall, but he's still in shape and is 6'4 probably under two bills.. I'm 6'0 and 220lbs.

He got right swiped with at least half a dozen Tinderellas in the span of three days.

Me, with a headstart? 0.


You're assuming there are "options"..

I simply choose the glasses that are half full, my friend.

Six months on Tuesday. :D

Ouch. You need better pics bro. Ever have someone take your pic who knows what the f@&$ they are doing? Got to give your best shot.

Yoda would dance around you and quote you the f@&$ up over your excuses regarding the opposite sex.

Eureka, how many side pieces do you have?

Awesome! Hey you really took steps to improve yourself physically and that has spread to other parts of your life. I'm just some stranger saying right on!

You should be spitting more advice in this thread.

Luv's advice: have a vagina.

I would guess his profile says "Prepare to be disappointed. Swipe left. You're probably going to hate me anyway."

None I'm really interested in. I've been more of a quality not quantity thing lately. Chemistry and all. My story is I had two long relationships in my 20's and now in my early 30's I've been single for a bit by choice but I want to find the right woman like any other single guy.

I tend to come across as "rubbing it in", so I browse. Plus, it was just dumb luck. I sent a guy a message on OKC, we chatted a bit, texted, and set up a date. It's completely on him that it's worked out. He's pretty amazing to have put up with me.

My main advice is, while not "settling", don't expect perfection. Sometimes there's a diamond in the rough.

Nobody reads those bios and mine is usually something obviously not serious.

Like right now, I say I don't Text dick pics, I Polaroid then and then mail them.

Heh. Yep.

I look no better with professional photography than I do with a pic taken by a jerkoff off the street with a DSLR.

Depending on the areas of the city you can get apartments for 350-400 and houses for 600. I would not want to live in them. But they are there.

Clay, if you are athletic at all.. I suggest kccrew.com coed sports league. Meet lots of single women there and expand people you know.

Do the women carry signs that say "SINGLE MOTHER" or "STD FREE?"

Single mothers generally don't have time to play coed softball. C'mon now.

You're missing the point. I see no reason to attempt to pursue women I don't have prior intel on.

Let me know if there are any singles clubs for atheists, though.

And I'm sure all of those women are under 175 pounds.

You never know man.

It's kind of amazing how many people around here are Christian just because it seems to be the socially acceptable thing to be. It's like no one thinks for themselves. I'd find another word to use instead of Atheist. Whenever you say that, people look at you like you worship Satan or something. Uh..hello...atheist means I don't believe in any of that.

Aaaaaand you were exactly right.

So you completely rule out any woman that you didn't meet online simply because you know nothing about them? Isn't that kind of the point - talk to them, get to know them?

Even if they aren't date material, they could lead to something else. One of the best things I did was to stop looking at women as targets and just get to know them. Women actually make great friends if there is no expectation of anything.

He will hit it and quit it my friend

Love sucks.

How would you date someone if they aren't a target?

Love is fantastic. Even when one ends you get to experience it all over again with someone new. Only time you can chase the same high.

Yeah. What he said.

Women make great friends except for the whole "completely irrational emotion" part of the equation. They can turn on you in a heartbeat over anything, everything and/or nothing.