Seriously dude, you are out of line on this.

On a serious note, I'll give you some advice Roy.

A lot of chicks fall for a suave dude who could pose for women's magazines. Other chicks like a bad boy. Let's face it. Neither of us are that kind of dude.

You just have to let nature take her course. Of course a guy who has some experience with the ladies is going to be a little more smooth about getting into her pants. You don't. Every guy has been where you are at least once. Most of them didn't know who to ask for guidance or were to proud to do so. If I had an older brother, I wish he had told me to eat at the "Y" more often. I didn't discover that pleasure until after a few girlfriends and failed conquests. So, if you get all the way to 3rd base - as an inexperienced lover - I would say your chances of scoring are greatly increased if you give her oral pleasure.

Don't be afraid to ask a girl if she's enjoying something you are doing to her. Women are all different. You can't expect one woman to enjoy something just because it was successful on a different lady.

If all else fails, play the virgin card. There are a lot of girls who get off on popping a dude's cherry - unless she's a virgin too. Then you're screwed, errrr - you know what I mean.

Best of luck, little buddy. You may want to throw an ice pack in the freezer for later.

Well, you were asked nicely... Nice knowin' ya.

There's a class? Could you send me an enrollment form? Maybe things have changed since the 50's.

I noticed that a few days ago as well, and clicked on it. I think its advertising, you click on it and the Chiefsplanet administration get a small kickback, i surmised.

How should I know he's an admin? Its not stated anywhere. I just thought he was some guy talking smack. It doesnt bother me anyway. If I were to get banned for something of this like, then I dont want to be here anyway. I thought this was a place were KC fans across the US can come to unite but, I guess its not.

He won't ban you, hes just telling you to chill out a bit.

It has links to BB's for all the AFCW teams. Something new... I kinda like it.

Oh yes, I always like to "unite" with my fellow Chiefs fans by calling them losers... that's a brilliant strategy.

Hey KcMizzou, you're a loser!

Will you be my friend? :D

But of course. Tea and crumpets at noon?

Real nice, dickhead. This is becoming a joke. OK, I'll go along with it.

Bloody right! I'll be driving my Healy and my teeth will be unbrushed... ROFL

kcnut, let royr17 go.

Nah. Nothing like that. It is just a coalition of 4 AFC West website. Basically, it's a ploy to encourage interaction (and increased traffic) between the sites. It was added last night.

As others have mentioned, print this out and study it like it's a cheat sheet for the entry into paradise.
One other suggestion, you might actually practice what you are going to say. Say it out loud. Make sure the way it sounds when you say it comes across as very honest and sincere!
Oh yea, one other thing. when she gets there, be sure and compliment her on her looks right off the bat. Just to get things headed in the right direction.:thumb:
If everything works out ok you won't be able to slap the smile off of your face for about a week. Good luck.

Just because your a KC fan doesnt mean you cant be a loser. I'm sure there are plenty here on the board.

It didn't seem like a depression at the time. In fact, it felt kinda good.

Well I mean depression as in "hole" or "sunken area"... you know, like... well, you know... it was a reach.

Oh come on...you're sharper than that.

It loses something when it's phrased as, "Kind of defined a warm, wet hairy, hole, eh?"

No shit, Stumppy, Jenny is pure gold ain't she? I wish I'd known someone like her when I was 18.

Were you by chance looking in a mirror when you typed this?

No I wasn't. Its kinda hard to look at mirror when your sitting infront of a computer screen.

That's really strange, it was that way in the 50's as well. The more things change the more they stay the same. I'll bet it was the same way 10,000 years ago. The cavemen probably followed their dick around much like we do today. Ya think?

We get your point. You can quit trying so hard to demonstrate it yourself now. Thanks.

I'm so disappointed it took 145 posts before anyone even typed this, so sad.

Say something that lets her know what you want without beating around the bush....
..."Brace yer self, i'm commen in dry!" :thumb:

so does anybody have anymore pointers for me if not than thanks for all of the pointers.

Honestly is the best policy. Tell her you like her, and go from there.
BE YOURSELF, don’t act like someone your not, and when the time comes and things are looking good that you just might get lucky…Be honest and tell her it’s your first time.
Trust me, she won’t laugh if she’s any kind of considerate person.
And wrap yer sausage if ya know what I mean.

I tried the sister angle much earlier but nobody bit on that one.

Just do what ever you can to let her know how special you think she is, other then that, just go with the flow.

The best bowling advise I ever got was, "Think Smooth". That doesn't just work in bowling.

Just don't lay it on too thickly.... If she's not an attractive woman, chances are that she is well aware of it. If you're going on and on about how great she looks, she'll see right through that crap. A subtle compliment is sometimes more effective than bullshit anyway. If she smells like she just got done with a 10k, don't comment on her perfume. Hold your breath and dive.

This ought to be good.... ROFL

Go, Phil....

Actually I did, but I left it alone. But in another way, his youngest sister does have a few hot friends, but like he said, to him they are too old ?

[nut]well it impotant to understan that woman like fourplay if you want try get four fingers in there it help you when you want to get you big unit up in it at least that what I do[/nut]

Nah, I think TNC and I reached an understanding privately.

Cool....I seem to remember a similar incident about three years ago with some azzhole troll who came here to mess with people :banghead:

And now has about 8,000 posts here.... :rolleyes:

:)

And remember one thing in life….no woman will ever admit to enough foreplay!

Your close when she say's ok,,,NOW and has a crazed look on her face. :thumb:

We will be needing a recap on what happens of course.

Man, really, there's no need to pick on the Pastor... :)

Him too, eh? :hmmm:

ROFL

Really? I guess I don't recall that. Did I PM you or something?

I can't even imagine being in ROYC's place right now...

Of course anyone who listen's to a guy that has done nothing but turn down (other) women for the last 15 years is in pretty bad shape.

Yeah, I wasn't quite over the top....but you "politely" put me in my place. :)

I came over to troll for TJ, Denise, and a few others who I thought were idiots for various reasons. After gettin' to "know" them a bit, they aren't quite "idiots"....well, not BIG idiots anyway....so your advice was good.

We never stop learning....even us "older" farts.

of roy? wouldn't that be kiddie porn? :eek:

:rolleyes:

No, of Roy's 23 yr old love interest, silly.... :shake:

I find that hard to believe.

Me too.... ROFL

okay.. nevermind. disregard my previous post.

I dont know if u are referring to me as turning down woman but see the chicks down here im not there type if u aint a bad boy or someone who is a pimp or has a bunch of muscles than u arent there type cause they like guys that have alot of muscles and i dont have the muscles.

plus im not skinny anymore when i was skinny there use to be so many girls attracted to me, but everysince i put on that weight they dont like me anymore so i've been trying to find a girl to like me for who i am.

as far as me turning down girls let me make it very clear IM SHY yea that right whenever i get around a girl i chicked out cause my shyness so thats also part of the reason why i am still a virgin.

but hopefully that will change on monday, hehe.

for starters... calm the hell down and relax!!! if you're this uptight when she comes over, you'll NEVER get any.

don't be ashamed of being a virgin. that's your first and biggest mistake. so what if you're still a virgin? everyone is a virgin at some point in time right? quit putting the pressure on yourself about that. SO fuckING WHAT??!!

listen, if you like this girl and she likes you, you're part of the way there. secondly, she's already agreed to come to your place. so just relax. the "innuendo" is already there. she wouldn't agree to come visit you if the thought of sex wasn't already there. just relax and try to be comfortable with her and make her feel comfortable being with you. the rest will happen from there.

have fun and good luck! :thumb:

Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit

I'm a fatass who used to have a lot of muscles. I got just as much fine tail as a fatass as I did as a lean hardbody. You just gotta find your niche with the ladies. Confidence is huge.

No, no. I was talking about me. I met my wife when I was 16, had sex with her a bit into the relationship. Since then I have had to turn down more then a couple women. Though, like you, since I have put on a bit of weight, I haven't had anyone to even turn down. Which is actually nice, because I always felt bad. Some stupid nice guy disease thing.

Yeah, when I first joined, Phob had some weird advice for me too...

I just kinda brushed it off. I'm not sure if he ever gave that advice to anybody else or not....

This thread is worthless with out pictures.


PhilFree :arrow:

This is very true, royr...

Yeah, I had forgotten all about that. Usually I tell people to post a few cartoon strips about ChiefsPlanet or the Chiefs. That is unusually effective.

Damn, Phil must hate you....gotk13

i'm sorry about this dude, but the "shy" thing is a total cop-out.
also trying to find reasons that you're "inadequate" ie: non-pimp, non-musclehead, non-tuffguy, non-whatever, is a cop out as well.

this is the deal:
you're obviously looking in the wrong places at the wrong chicks. there are plenty of girls out there man. get some nads and go talk to them. they won't bite (unless you like that sort of thing ;) )

they're just girls... nothing that scary about them.

She told you what Bob Dole named it?

Bitch.

ROFL

Damn, I knew I loved this place for a reason!

New rationalization: My state of being "too short for my weight" is a self-defense mechanism to avoid having to hurt chick's feelings....since I'm married, I'd have to turn them down--but I don't want to hurt their feelings, so I'll get fat...and they won't like me anymore.

Damn, Morph, thanks. :)

Cocque humor is teh rep!!
ROFL

Of course hanging out in the house with a three year old most of the time makes it really damn hard to encounter and women who might be intrested, much less working as a Sys Admin doesn't help either, cause there are maybe 10 hot SA's in the world and I have yet to meet any of them.

Seriously Roy - dude - get sex out of your mind for now. Try getting to know the chick and getting comfortable with her (and her, with you). The more "getting laid" dominates your thoughts, the more desperate you'll appear. A desperate dude can't get laid, period. Not with the fattest, drunkest chick at closing time. It ain't happening. Just take it slow and see where it goes. If you're slobbering all over yourself and sporting a 12 pack of condoms in your pocket, you won't even get to hold her hand.

FWIW, if KCChiefsman posts anything in this thread you should do the opposite of whatever he says.

I will second this.

Roy, there are four rules.....
1) Look her in the eye. Always.
2) Listen to what she says.
3) Make her laugh.
4) Be yourself.

Follow these rules, and you are in! (pun intended)

And don't worry about how you look. You are not perfect, but I'm betting that she isn't either. There is a reason why she is coming to see you. Remember that. :thumb:

Roy,

If all else fails, try gay.

Saul is a SA....I don't know that I'd describe him as "hot," but he ain't ugly....

Oh, sorry....I'm puttin' the cart before the horse here; Saul is a guy...and he does have a girlfriend. :doh!:

There you go getting Anton all amped up!! For shame!

:shake:

ROFL ROFL ROFL

Bob Dole thinks ye protest too much.

He's just getting Anton amped up.

Well, I have yet to have to turn down a guy, though it is a bit awkward catching them checking you out...

Oh, hell. This is sig material.

Especially if I would have left out the "have to"...

That can be ARRANGED you know.... :)

Dammit. Somehow I just passed right over that.

Yeah, be careful...

Sorry to get you excited, but I'm more then prepared to turn you down nicely :D

Well, we all knew SD was an online cross-dresser. Most of us did anyway....