I used to be fat as ****.

I went through a time when I thought, "What if losing weight doesn't help? What if I'm just ugly and my excuse of not dating due to being fat was just something I told myself?"

You just have to come to a time when you're okay with you. You don't have to have a woman to complete you. People don't complete people, they compliment them. Once you're okay with who you are, you'll be much happier.

She may not be intentionally doing it to **** with you, but there's a reason that she chose to make that comment when she was 3000 miles away. At least she did, though. That's a start.

You remind me of one of my best friends. He was always a great guy. He was extremely smart, funny, nice, a talented musician, had a great job, wanted to settle down and have a family, etc. etc. etc. However, he was 300+ pounds and never got the girls he wanted.

He lacked confidence and was convinced he was going to die alone, and he was convinced that his weight was the problem. So he lost 75 pounds or so and expected that to make everything better, but it didn't. I had to have a heart to heart with him and explain that the weight loss was only helpful to the extent that he had more confidence in himself. Women crave confidence. Hell, even fake confidence will get you by for a while until you have enough success to gain actual, genuine confidence.

A year and a half later, he's dating a chick that would have been WAY out of his league in his mind before; very good looking, smart, fun, cool, makes great money, and is totally into him. Now, she wants to get married, and all is good.

I don't know if you have a future with this broad or not. If nothing else, hopefully it makes you realize that there are women out there who are interested in what you have to offer. Don't fall into the self-sabotaging trap of thinking that she is the only worthwhile female who would ever want to be with you.

Most people don't want to date fat people.

Its hardwired in our brains.

Why are you losing weight?

So i don't die when I'm 40.

Its nice yo be complimented by someone saying that you're pretty after you have put in 6 months of hard work and dedication to try to improve yourself. Not sure where we are differing here.

We're not. Just making sure that you're losing weight for you, and not in order to try to get a woman. And yes, being complimented like that must be nice.

I'm not, but I don't have a problem with anyone who uses that as motivation. Our only purpose is to procreate, after all.

Most people don't want to date short people, or broke people, or bald people, or people with crooked teeth, etc., either. What you have to realize is that not all "faults" are deal breakers. In fact, very few are.

In fact, I'm willing to bet that if you posted pictures of this chick in the "would you" thread that some people would say yes while others picked her apart.

So what? She's not perfect. She's not even close. Yet the positive things about her are enough that you look beyond them. Hell, you might not even notice them. (People are funny that way.) Girls tend to be very willing to look beyond physical flaws if the other positives are there.

They're a little smarter than men in that more of them realize that looks fade but personality and character lasts forever.

That was out of left field.

How about you just let me be happy that my weight loss is resulting in quantifiable moments of happiness.

Ice been fat all my life and have found girls who don't mind fat guys, but a lot do mind, and I don't have a problem with that.

Women are wired to seek protection and stability whereas men are looking for a physical specimen to pass on genes. This isn't to the exclusion of all else, but it's a jumping off point.

This is a great bit of advice. Everyone should use this. rep!

Luke Hochevar just pitched a CG shutout last night. It's great if he's having a moment of happiness because of it, but that isn't enough to make him a better pitcher. Now if that gives him confidence in his own ability to get major league hitters out, maybe he can reach his potential.

And guys think that women think of "protection and stability" as "muscles and money". That is so not the case (at least not always). And women think that men think of looks as tits, ass, and what society thinks is perfection, which, right now anyway, means no fat. I'm not a guy, so I can't disclaim that line of thought...lol.

I just had a friend post one of those annoying pictures with quotes on them on facebook. "When you like a guy, do nothing about it and expect him to magically know and make the first move. Women's logic." To which I replied, "Back in the day, women were taught not to chase. My mother was one of these people, and I constantly heard, 'Don't chase boys. If they like you, they'll chase you.' If you like a girl, do you have to wait for a sign from her before pursuing her?"

Dating is all about games. Who should make the first move? Does a girl have to let a guy know she's interested before he'll ask her out? As a girl, how do you do that without coming on too strong? If a guy doesn't ask you out, is it because he's not interested or because you didn't send him the right signals? And heaven forbid you send signals to someone who's not interested, thus looking like a complete moron or feeling rejected.

Ugh!

There are no right or wrong answers. All guys/girls are different and some guys/girls have to work harder than others.

Dating can be all about games, but it isn't always and, again, that depends upon the individual(s) involved.

I'm of the opinion that it shouldn't be that hard. Of course, that is probably why I'm still single. Well, and I'm fat...lol. At least I'm able to fix that, though.

That is inaccurate.

That is also inaccurate. We are very social creatures. No one is strong enough to tackle all of life's challenges by themselves and still be happy.

That is inaccurate.

Fair enough.

And a lot of money doesn't hurt either.

Not sure I agree with all of this. I believe happiness comes from within. Not from others. Not from tangible objects. Once an individual is happy then other people, things, experiences can enhance that happiness.

I'm just saying you can't have one without the other. Happiness does come from within, but I don't think you can really achieve that without other people helping you. By "helping" I just mean the people you interact with on a daily basis, mainly friends and family.

Ok. I thought you meant a partner. I can agree that social/familial relationships are important to obtaining happiness. I still maintain that another individual can't make you happy.

You being complete means, to me, that you are your own person. Your "helping" is what I'm thinking of as complimenting. Different people bring out different aspects of who we are. I don't have to have someone to complete me, but having someone to compliment me would be nice.

I'd agree with that.

I'd say a hermit can never be truly happy. Unless of course he is deranged.

Heh.

Irony...

I can agree with that. But then I've had friends who are the other extreme. If they don't have a significant other, then they think they're nobodies. I can't stand women who always have to depend on a man for their happiness. Hell, my brother is the same way. He's currently seeing a married woman. When things are going well, he tries to talk her into leaving her husband. She gets mad, calls him demanding, and they fight. My brother then acts like the world is ending, and has even attempted suicide a few times (he's got other problems too, though). I pity people like that.

What's scary is I see it in myself sometimes. Even with my closest friends, when I find that my mood is affected by they're actions, or lack thereof, then I tend to distance myself for awhile to gain my footing.

I just want to get this off my chest: There's a difference between compliment and complement. When someone compliments you, they're saying something kind or flattering. When something complements something else, it means they go well together.

My bad.

LMAO

CRISSCROSS

Your contributory statement complements the ensuing discussion in a complimentary manner.

Everyone is beautiful... in their own way

You're not the only one, luv. :)

1. FYP

2. Disagree

No, but I tend to pride myself on correct usage of grammar. I tend to kick myself when someone points out something I've been doing incorrectly. :)

1. THANK. YOU.

This one bothers me so much, but I've stopped fighting it. I'll never accept it, but now I just correct it and move on.

One of my friends told me yesterday, "I bet if there is a Hell and you go there you'll be forced to edit content that constantly morphs into easily avoided grammatical mistakes."

I think he's right.

Wow, ****ing TherapyPlanet.

I'm gonna go fap.

Grammar policemen or women should shoot him or herself in the face.

The way I remember it is complement always reminds me of a modification of the word complete.

Policemen and women is plural, so they should shoot themselves in the face. Just sayin'.

I'm glad we could help!

LMAO

I am jumping in late, but buck they are correct.

She is saying it because she is far away and there is no chance of anything happening.

Did she see a picture of the new you? That you got a new job? Then she moved and all of a sudden she is I would of had a relationship with you? Yeah, that is all manipulation, sorry.

Keep improving, you live in cali, getting an attractive woman should be easy. Missouri is a different beast. Funny, smart attractive single women are 1/1000 here.

She probably knows you're a good guy, Buck, and is doing what she can to get herself some attention from a good guy.

If she dug you when she was there and you were available, she would have let you know.

You can FYP all day but you still can't FYP the lyrics to the classic song.

I don't think you guys actually read my posts.

Nothing is going to happen, obviously. But it made me feel good.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah but... what's going to happen? Are ya gonna do some BuckinKaeding with her or what?

I know a cry for help when I read one.

Hang in there, Buck. It will get better.

Let me clear things up.

She never lived here.

We met on a weight loss group chat thing.

We've both lost a bunch of weight. I befriended her months ago because we are interested in a lot of the same shit. I play video games and stuff with her all the time.

We joke around with each other all the time via text or whatnot.

I've grown to like her because she is the opposite sex and cool as ****. I never said anything because it was useless. So last night she told me that and it made me feel good and sort of sad to be honest because I can't even really try with her.

Anyways she's been talking for a while about coming to visit Socal, so maybe, but I doubt it.

Hope that clears things up. I want to reiterate that I'm not expecting anything to actually happen.

Plz come jerk me.

Pics.

Paging Omaha?

I take back the part about her ****ing with your head.

What is stopping her from coming to visit you in San Diego?

I think you have the right frame of mind. There's not a whole lot more that can happen when you're so far apart, but it sounds as though you genuinely like one another. I've known other people who met under similar circumstances and met their long-term significant other. It's not typical, but it can happen.

Anyway, you're right not to invest yourself too heavily into it before something actually happens. Who knows, though - maybe she comes to visit after all, and you two hit it off so well in person that you decide to throw caution to the wind and make it into something. In the mean time, you can just enjoy her company, just as you always have.

I think you need to post Buck's pic in the would you thread and let the gals of CP pick it apart, or not.

Money. Also she's working on her Masters Degree right now. Oh I also live with my mom. Probably won't move out til like Sept.

Whatever happened to the movie gig you and your buds got into?

Where does she live? What does a ticket cost?

Yeah, that extra information changes the entire thing.

Keep on, keeping on and good luck.

Keep on, keeping on and good luck.

She would have to buy two tickets to fly and can't afford it?

/self loathing fat guy

Buck, please beat off, and realize there are thousands of hot women at your disposal in SD.

LOL. The equivalent of walking around on South Beach, and emailing some girl in Iowa.

**** THE CHARGERS

You guys are acting like I'm crushed right now lol.

Probably because this is the date thread and not the weight loss thread.

No but I feel I should have maybe read the thread before I asked if you were going to BuckinKaeding her.

Well, you live with your mom and like some chick who lives 3,000 miles away. Excuse us for being sympathetic.

FYP

Technically right AND wrong. The phrase "Policemen and women" is singular, which is why I wrote it the way it did. I could have been clearer by putting the phrase in quotes.

Question for you guys out there. Do you preface cutting a chick loose by saying "You're a really cool chick, but...."? If so, do you do that because you think it makes what comes next easier to hear? Word of advice. It doesn't.

With all due respect... Not saying just saying.. et cetera. sometimes you just have to have thick skin.

If you don't let a girl down easy she's probably gonna go off like a bitch on ya.

I usually start it off with a "I've been thinking...."

I usually just stop initiating contact. :shrug: