Could have been worse. Could have been a Donks blanket.

I figured this story about our cat from hell was relevant enough to this thread. I posted this picture-caption-story on my blog about a year ago. You can read that version of it by clicking here: http://ricoswaff.com/blog1/?p=1458 or you can just simply read what I am able to successfully post below with the maximum 20 images. This situation with the cat, was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever witnessed.



"Meet the Hamburglar"

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Meet the newest addition of our family... The Hamburglar. He is a pretty cute little kitty, isn't he? Well, don't let his physical appearance deceive you.

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At the moment this picture was taken, The Hamburglar was probably brainstorming ways he could successfully bomb a hospital. If Satan exists, I am pretty certain he resides within the depths of The Hamburglar's cold, dark soul.


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He was named after this turd-nugget. I wanted to give him a name that was original, yet somehow fitting to his black and white fur. Some of you may remember this guy, some of you may not. It's The Hamburglar from the old Ronald Mcdonald commercials. The Hamburglar is Ronald Mcdonald's most notorious and pesky enemy. He is a total douche-bucket. He is always stalking poor Ronald Mcdonald, trying to steal his hamburgers and cheeseburgers. He is a total buzzkill to Ronald, Grimace and the rest of the crew. However, Ronald's crew always wins in the end. The name is fitting for the cat, not only because of their matching colors, but because the cat is also a huge douche-bucket like The Hamburglar.


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I can't even pet The Hamburglar without him whipping his claws out and attacking me.


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I am starting to believe that The Hamburglar's purpose in life is to scratch and bite everything he sees. Here he is, biting my finger as if it were a piece of beef jerky.


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I can't even sit down and watch TV without The Hamburglar attacking my feet.

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He does have his redeeming moments though where he seems to like me. Here he is curling up by my feet while I am on the computer. Since I do not currently have internet at my house, I was probably typing a blog entry as this picture was taken.


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Amazingly, he is good with kids. He is very nice to my 8 month old daughter.

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But he's still a jackass.

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Buying him toys is a waste of money and effort. He demolishes them. A catnip toy will appear as if it had a violent encounter with a wolverine if it spends a few hours with The Hamburglar. Here is a picture of one of those "feathered balls attached to a rubber band that is attached to a stick" cat toys. We have gone through 3 of these. The Hamburglar bit through the rubber band with all three of them.


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I didn't think there was anything that could put The Hamburglar in his place until he started messing with one of these things. I am not sure what this thing is used for, but I think it has something to do with my baby girl. I bet you are asking yourselves, "how on earth did something so simple put The Hamburglar in his place?" Well, I will explain. One evening, The Hamburglar was playing with this blue plastic ring. He kept putting his mouth and nose through the loop and would open his mouth as if he were preparing to bite something. This eventually resulted in the plastic, blue thing going all the way around his neck like a collar. When I noticed this, I checked to see if the thing was too tight around his neck. I didn't want him to accidentally choke himself. It wasn't too tight so I just let him wear it as a collar for the time being. I didn't feel like taking it off because I was 99% sure that if I did, he would bite me. So I left him alone.

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About an hour later, I was sitting on the couch, watching Cash Cab when I noticed The Hamburglar on the floor, throwing a fit. He appeared to be having some sort of acrobatic seizure. He would sprint a couple steps before jumping a foot in the air, landing on his back. Then he would do a couple somersalts and then stand on his feet for a couple seconds. He repeated this process 2-3 times before I decided that there was obviously something wrong with him and he needed help. When I checked to see what was wrong with him, I discovered that the blue plastic ring had somehow gotten caught in his mouth and was prying his mouth open. It was pissing him off. It reminded me of those horse bits that horse riders put in horses' mouths before they ride them. I am guessing that the plastic ring was loose enough on his neck that when he opened his mouth or meowed, the bottom of his mouth slid underneath the ring, ultimately resulting in The Hamburglar's jaws being pried open.

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I don't blame him for being pissed off. Having a blue, plastic ring stuck in your mouth, prying your jaws open would suck ass.

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Words can not explain the frustration that The Hamburglar endured while trying to maneuver his jaw from the grips of this evil blue plastic ring, but this picture sure explains it.

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So how did we find the time to take pictures of The Hamburglar's horrible situation while we should have been helping him? Because it took us 30 minutes to free him. He scratched and bit the shit out of our hands while we were trying to help him. Check out the skin flaking off the left side of my hand, the small cuts on the back of my hand and the scratch between two of my fingers. All of these were inflicted by The Hamburglar while I was trying to help him. The pictures of The Hamburglar struggling with the evil blue ring were taken between breaks. It wasn't just a struggle for The Hamburglar. It was a struggle for Krystal and I as well. The cat was absolutely frantic.


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My palm also took a beating.

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He wasn't any calmer with my fiance, Krystal, who was also helping me get the plastic ring out of his mouth.


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It was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen. And for those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have seen some bizarre shit.


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In this picture, you can clearly see that it was his bottom teeth that were preventing him from escaping the blue plastic ring. We didn't notice this as we were trying to get the thing off of him. If we had, the process may have been much easier.


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If I had to take a guess, I would say you haven't seen the last of the mischievious Hamburglar.

I wouldn't allow that in my house. My fiancee was a Cubs fan when she started dating me. She is now a converted Cardinals fan. I basically told her that if she continued to root for the Cubs in front of me, we would have relationship problems. Now she's just as die-hard about the Cardinals as I am. She is a fanatic when it comes to the Steelers though, so I didn't even attempt to convert her into a Chiefs fan....and I'd honestly feel bad if I did...I've witnessed her watch her team play in 3 Super Bowls and win 2 of them. I did get her to dress up in Chiefs apparrel when we went to the Chiefs vs. 49ers game in 2010 though... She likes the Chiefs when they aren't playing the Steelers. I like the Steelers when they aren't playing the Chiefs.

Don't deal with cat scratches. Buy one of these:

http://www.amazon.com/Resco-Cat-Nail.../dp/B0002ZAE68

I'd have to buy some sort of kittie-cat straight jacket to successfully put that to use with The Hamburglar.

Lay down a towel, and wrap the little ****er up with paws sticking out both ends. Wrap tight. Trim away while the cat whines.

I love this cat. I want it.

Ricoswaff get her front paws declawed.

ROFL

I'll be facing a lawsuit once he rips the vet to shreds.

A lot of you have great pets!

Newest addition of our household. We may be a little crazy, but hubby thought it would make me feel better.

So far it looks like the pooch is feeling a lot better than you. May you soon catch up with him in feelin' good.

:)

Thats one of the most humanlike, comforted expressions i've ever seen from a dog, like a lazy kid on moms couch, sweet.

we have a male boxer that will be 2 next month. He won't leave her alone, just licks her all the time but when gets tired and sits away, she goes right back at him.

we have had her almost a week. She is doing fine and both of the puppies are getting used to each other. She has had only two accidents in her crate because it was too big but since we fixed the size she has been great. She has peed in the house a couple times but it hasn't been bad.

Thank god my Hubby and daughter and nephew have been here to help, I couldn't deal with it all. They are doing the work and I am getting the benefit of a loving baby

this was first meeting

... we'll make great pets

getting closer

bandit
 

At the lake

cool

I think this little guy has adopted us...

aw, so cute

Beautiful dogs. My little sis has 2 of them. We almost got one but instead went with a Golden. I'd love to still get one but even @ 1 we have our hands' full during the summer weeks' & my daughter's out town/state soccer tournaments.

Notice my use of summer "weeks", up here we count the days the sun shines in weeks, not months. :D

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My dogs are staying here for the next few days. I have 2 bassets a huge Black,red and white one and the other one she is older red basset with white feet. Because they are bassets they may sleep most of the day and the cameras do freeze up from time to time.

we have talked about letting them have one litter...maybe, depends on my health and the work involved.

For a month or so, this little guy will show up for 2-3 days, and then disappear for 3-4 days. He showed up last week thin as a rail and ate an entire can of cat food in one sitting.

We took him inside and he's getting his shots today. We're going to take some pics of him and put up a flyer or two, and if we don't hear anything in the next week or so, we'll take him on full-time and get him neutered.

He looks like my kitty Neighbor Cat when we first got him. Grey Tabbies have great dispositions, usually very laid back. My Neighbor Cat is a loving, endearing rascal cat. Hope your kitty works out as well. Recent NC pic is attached.

Picked a name yet?

Well, we always name our pets with film/literary references... so it came down to MacGuffin (Mac for short), Vigo and Jonesy.

MacGuffin is a phrase coined by Alfred Hitchcock, my favorite director, and would go right in with Rosebud, who is one of the all-time great MacGuffins in history. This was probably my favorite, but I have an uncle named Mac. And that would be weird.

Vigo, the big dude from Ghostbusters 2, mainly because in that pic I posted before, kitteh looks a little evil, and Vigo seemed like a good one.

Jonesy is the cat in Alien. Went with Jonesy because Alien is a FAR superior film than Ghostbusters 2.

Vet said he's about a year old, and undersized. He's also about 90 percent sure he's a stray and has been outdoors his whole life. They actually had a hard time getting the needle through his skin for the shots.

After a hard day of eating mealworms and lizard humping.....

Bow wow chicka bow woww....... It's dragon mating time.....

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Nice Inlands.

Rosebud crashed on a tough Saturday afternoon recently.

fatass

Spot
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Boxers are awesome!

Mine is about 4 months old

I never knew hedgehog was a delicacy.


Nice knives, bro.

:eek: Camel spider! KIWF!

I have the real taco bell dog lol. Her name is Roxy.

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Actually have 3 of them. Rocky (left) and Rainy are the black ones.

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.

Nice!
My wife and I want a Dobe for our next dog; after our 2 kick the bucket.

how do you like the dog/breed? Right now we have a black lab, and a short haired collie/pointer mix.

I can't imagine having any other breed, honestly. Dobes are pretty sharp and tend to be very head-strong. Training isn't optional, whether you do it yourself or have a pro do it. Thankfully, most are very eager, willing and capable of solid training. Daily exercise is a must. Females tend to be better "family" dogs, if you know what I mean, but the boy above loves all of us. If you are going to adopt, be prepared for a Dobe that has been mistreated or trained to be aggressive.

This is my baby...

good to know. thanks.
(makes me sick about the last part in the last sentence. Pisses me off people would do that)

Oooh, I just love these. :thumb:

Well, it wasn't our plan to come home with these guys when we went to drop off food at the shelter, but that's what happened.


Riggs...

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Murtaugh...

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My new Brittany, Gracie. This is our 8th generation of the same bloodline. She's a direct decendant of Nolan's Last Bullet.

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Riggs and Murtaugh have transitioned into our house very well... Riggs is a stage 4 clinger. He wants to be in your face or on your shoulder all the time.

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Murtaugh is very mischievousness. He'll play with anything, but when he wants love and attention, he's not afraid to ask for it. Here he is after a long morning of hard playtime.

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Trim your nose hairs FMB...

Also, those kittens are cuter than shit.

Here is the cat my girlfriend brought home about 3 months ago. This is the first animal I have ever lived with. Growing up we had cats but they were all outside cats so they could control the mice population.

Her name is Montana and she is all black except for a small white spot on her belly.

http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/g...5/montana1.jpg


A picture of what she did during most of the Chiefs/Chargers game!

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Scarlette, she's a sweetheart

My bassets hate me right now it's football season and I can get quite loud watching football. The Mrs is working today.

ya my dog senses the anger/stress and tries to come over and cheer me up during games, lol.

But their damn sleeping powers I have taken 2 naps today. They have it.

my cat does the same.

If i watch sports(that i'm really into) or play a video game etc where i'm really smashing the buttions my cat always comes around and starts making this little sound and rubbing against me.


LMAO

Animals can be very in tune with their human counterparts.

ya, she runs up to me while I'm playing COD every time, I have to shoo her away so I can work the controllers, lol. She always tries to put her head on my lap and wiggle her but (because she has no tail). She's too cute.

Misty... Best dog that's ever been part of my family... :thumb:

Max & Sis (needs a name) arrived yesterday. 3 mo old GS pups.
http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/pictu...pictureid=1212

Great lookin pups

And it starts... kittens and Christmas trees.

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Dogs and stupid Christmas hats

Our new kitten, Apollo.

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Nice pets everyone. I'm going to go spend time with this girl sometime this week to make sure we get along and make sure the shelter thinks I'm a suitable adopter.

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Riggs (right) and Murtaugh are growing... well, Murtaugh is. He's a chunky bastard.

This is Sadie. She's 12 and will be put down today.

I remember the day we got her from the humane society. She had a bandana, and smelled of something fierce.

Her and I never really saw eye-to-eye. But, she was a good dog, nonetheless.

:(

Sorry, dude. I hate that.

Sorry to hear it. It always sucks putting down a buddy no matter how many times you go through it.

Do you feed them wet or dry food?
We found that our pets maintain a healthier weight on wet food and chunk up considerably on dry. Not sure why but we’ve seen it a few times now.

Dry most of the time. They get wet food at least once a week.

Here's my dog as a pup. Total mental trainwreck, but still pretty stinking likeable. Stubborn since its half shar pei, goofy because its half black lab.

Cody. One year old Shepherd / Pit Bull mix. Attachment 103268

That's always hard. Sorry man

Sorry CJizz. I had a similar experience with my last dog a year ago. Great dog and good protector of the house. Remember the good times.

Attachment 103269 this is my German shepherd pup. She's 5.5 months old. Her name is Samurai but we normally just call her Sam. She has a ton of energy but she's a pretty good pup. Even though she did destroy one of my hoodies last night while I was sleeping

Sorry to hear that bud. I can't imagine how much of a ****ing wreck I'll be when Chief Dog comes to that time.

Good looking dog. I love German Shepherds. My parents have one (I call him Rambo) and it recently broke his leg. He's coming around after the surgery, but he's never going to be like it was. Either way, I love the shit out of that dog even though it isn't mine.