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-   -   101 random roasts by misc Roastmasters - Thread #2 (https://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/showthread.php?t=274123)

rico 07-06-2013 03:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PGM (Post 9788998)
63. rico

rico has come along way in the last month. After not being on the list he has rocketed up the charts. Has a reputation as a solid poster even though he is a bit long winded sometimes. That is pretty good considering only a third of his 3k posts have been read. The long winded ness extends to the bedroom as well. Mrs. Swaff often finishes before he can get it in.

Speaking of the Mrs. they met at a family reunion (don't worry she's a 2nd cousin). They fell in love in typical Iowa fashion after he suplexed her on to his cock after the three legged race.


Pros: Has a hot wife and a killer figure 4 leg lock.

Cons: Probably doesn't want to get this one pregnant. ..just to be safe.

Outlook: Learns to condense his posts, ends the year in the top 10 of post count as a result. Gets banned for calling frazod fat in a hundred a different ways.

"Has a reputation as a solid poster even though he is a bit long winded sometimes." - I do...?! And I'm long-winded? This is the first time I've ever heard that, fo sho.

That is pretty good considering only a third of his 3k posts have been read. Not true, home-diddly?! Three thirds of my posts have been read...by me....and maybe TimBone....and possibly Clay because the dude is capable of reading faster than anyone I've ever heard of.

The long winded ness extends to the bedroom as well. Mrs. Swaff often finishes before he can get it in. - This is true. I have decent bedroom endurance. And she often finishes before I can get it in because I rock the sack when it comes to foreplay.

Speaking of the Mrs. they met at a family reunion (don't worry she's a 2nd cousin). - Haha, we met at Perkins at 2 AM one night and I asked her to go check my bank poles on the river with me and she agreed and we caught like a 20 lb flathead. It was...fun. But I get the 2nd cousin reference and it is funny shit... I assume you are referring to the dude who beat me with brass knuckles...and how the next time I saw him was at a family reunion where we found out our grandmas were sisters. I can't believe you caught that...that was a post that Hootie responded with, "dude, I doubt a single person read that." I think milkman even posted what he labeled as his first "tl;dr." Hahaha.

They fell in love in typical Iowa fashion after he suplexed her on to his cock after the three legged race. - I have never disclosed this...how did you KNOW that??!?!!?!

Pros: Has a hot wife and a killer figure 4 leg lock. Thanks for the compliments on the lady, but 4 leg lock?!?!?! THAT'S NOT REAL!!! THAT'S NOT REAL WRASSLIN'!!!! GUHHH!!!! Also, how can you not include me being a die-hard Cardinal fan in this section?!?!?! I presume because I don't post much in the Cardinals megathread (there is a reason for that). I wouldn't be a Chiefs fan if it weren't for my love for the Cardinals and my hatred for the Cubs fanbase...which led to my hatred for Chicago Bears fans...which was the team my dad attempted to raise me into being a fan of. I became a Chiefs fan around age 7, when I started noticing that the Bears fans at school were the same Cubs fans kids I talked shit at school. I had a difficult time liking the Bears anyways...have been die-hard Chiefs ever since...1991 or so.

Cons: Probably doesn't want to get this one pregnant. ..just to be safe. - Haha, dude...I already have 2 daughters with her, ages 1 and 2. Both children really derailed our marriage plans. That's why I was engaged for 4 years before finally getting married.


Outlook: Learns to condense his posts, ends the year in the top 10 of post count as a result. Gets banned for calling frazod fat in a hundred a different ways. - Post-condensing is something I think I am incapable of. And I will never be banned, for my posts are too long...Phil doesn't bother to read them. That is the best way to avoid being banned if you feel the need to write bannable shit...post like me and you won't be banned. Phil will just tl;dr it. It's GENIOUS.

I thought this was funny, PGM. Good job.

cabletech94 07-06-2013 06:49 AM

^

great roast, great comebacks. didn't realize rico was gonna actually defend himself. nice :)

Thig Lyfe 07-06-2013 10:35 AM

So what's going on in this thread?

rico 07-06-2013 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thig Lyfe (Post 9794892)
So what's going on in this thread?

It lost it's burst. It lost it's.......THIG LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. You could probably find a unique way to roast someone...you are like the funniest dude on the board.

beach tribe 07-06-2013 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico (Post 9794930)
It lost it's burst. It lost it's.......THIG LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. You could probably find a unique way to roast someone...you are like the funniest dude on the board.

I'll bet his keys will hardly press from all the crunchy crumbs in his board.
He sprained his finger one time trying to mash one down when it slipped on the greasy film.
Or the "clear coat" as he calls it.

rico 07-06-2013 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beach tribe (Post 9794934)
I'll bet his keys will hardly press from all the crunchy crumbs in his board.
He sprained his finger one time trying to mash one down when it slipped on the greasy film.
Or the "clear coat" as he calls it.

Let me guess, he was eating a skeleton...? Or was he getting too reckless while humping one, like our hero, Tyler Thigpen?

beach tribe 07-06-2013 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rico (Post 9794937)
Let me guess, he was eating a skeleton...? Or was he getting too reckless while humping one, like our hero, Tyler Thigpen?

Long John Silvers.
He is currently investing in talk to type so he doesnt have to put his rock fish fillets down.

rico 07-06-2013 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beach tribe (Post 9794941)
Long John Silvers.
He is currently investing in talk to type so he doesnt have to put his rock fish fillets down.

LMAO

Pasta Little Brioni 07-06-2013 12:20 PM

Yeah I did read the post about the brass knucks dude leading to that part of the roast. It won't let me add any more names to the op. I need mod help.

salame 07-07-2013 02:42 AM

say ten

Pasta Little Brioni 07-07-2013 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by salame (Post 9796170)
say ten

Not on the list

Simply Red 07-07-2013 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Direckshun (Post 9794537)
OP needs to be updated.

Yes, I care.

when someone offers up a roast on the level of a hootie roast, it seems to get shunned.

Classic player hating. We see it here all of the time.

Sweet Daddy Hate 07-07-2013 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Simply Red (Post 9796395)
when someone offers up a roast on the level of a hootie roast, it seems to get shunned.

Classic player hating. We see it here all of the time.

No shit. My Hootie roast blew the ****ing doors off of that "offering" PGM posted.

Racism.

Bowser 07-07-2013 01:17 PM

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp30hyjdDK1qza1xm.gif

Phobia 07-07-2013 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PGM (Post 9794978)
Yeah I did read the post about the brass knucks dude leading to that part of the roast. It won't let me add any more names to the op. I need mod help.

I looked. I can't find the spot to add more characters to OP.


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